National Security: The Musical

Bryan Fischer has discovered the secret to a safe and secure nation:

If you want to know why America has been kept safe since 9/11, I believe we have professional baseball, football, and basketball owners to thank for giving Americans the opportunity to engage in consistent corporate intercession for the safety of this nation.

Thanks to those corporate ministers of goodness and light, those deacons of deliverance – sports teams owners, fans can drink warm beer, eat bad food and deliver the nation because…wait for it

The singing of “God Bless America” has been a staple since 9/11 in virtually every major league baseball stadium, and, inspired by baseball’s example, is now a consistent part of pregame festivities at NFL games and NBA games, as well as college football and basketball games.

It is scriptural after all, I think the verse goes like this:

If My people, who are called by My name, will mindlessly mumble a prayer set to music at contests involving people who are paid obscene amounts of money, then I hear from heaven and keep evil people from blowing up your land.

I think that is in the OT somewhere.

On a serious note, I feel sure that the very patriotic Irving Berlin would be thrilled to know that his song is inspiring to many. He might also point out the roots of the song to his Jewish mother, if Wikipedia’s quote of the Economist is to be believed.

While he was growing up on the Lower East Side, she would say “God bless America” often, to indicate that, without America, her family would have had no place to go. The Economist magazine wrote that by writing “God Bless America”, Berlin was “producing a deep-felt paean to the country that had given him what he would have said was everything. It is a melody that still makes his fellow countrymen want to stand up and place their hands over their hearts.

Obama: Prince of Peace?

President Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize

OSLO – The Nobel Committee stunned the world today by awarding US President, Barack Obama, the Nobel Peace Prize.

Committee chair, Thorbjoern Jagland, said it was kind of a consolation prize since Chicago didn’t win the 2016 Olympic games.

“We just all felt sorry for Obama,” Jagland said. “He was all sad and stuff, you know, over the Olympic thing, so we thought it would be a nice pick-me-up.”

Hearing the news, Nobel Laureate, Al Gore said, “What the…? What has he done? At least I invented the Internet.”

The White House had no comment.

 

(The second part is lame parody; the first part, strangely, is not.)

UPDATE: Comedians give the event two thumbs up!

Best Obama-Nobel Jokes

October 09, 2009 10:09 AM

Courtesy of conservative activist Keith Appell:

Barack Obama’s Teleprompter: Big Guy says Bill Clinton called and was gracious in defeat; offered to fly Kanye West over 4 the Nobel awards ceremony.

Erick Erickson: Obama is becoming Jimmy Carter faster than Jimmy Carter became Jimmy Carter.

Ana Marie Cox: Apparently Nobel prizes now being awarded to anyone who is not George Bush.

Headline over AP analysis by White House correspondent Jennifer Loven: He Won, But For What?

Kathryn Jean Lopez, National Review: I want to buy the world a coke.

Ezra Klein: Obama also awarded Nobel prize in chemistry. “He’s just got great chemistry,” says Nobel Committee.

Adam Bromberg, CRC: Nobel Prize Committee must be staffed by out of work comedy writers.

Kristina Hernandez, CRC: It was the Beer Summit that put Obama over the edge.

– George Stephanopoulos

Various Blog Additions:

Cecil: Miss America was robbed. She was for world peace way before Obama was for it.

Tony Ramirez: The Cook County Democratic machine ain’t what it used to be. They were supposed to bribe the Olympics Committee.

Mesquito: Was he, like, the tenth caller or something?

Ron: I thought I should have won, I haven’t fought with my wife in more than a year.

US Veteran: Obama Wins Heisman Trophy After Watching Football Game

Add Your Own!