And the one that hooked me…
And the one that hooked me…
President Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize
OSLO – The Nobel Committee stunned the world today by awarding US President, Barack Obama, the Nobel Peace Prize.
Committee chair, Thorbjoern Jagland, said it was kind of a consolation prize since Chicago didn’t win the 2016 Olympic games.
“We just all felt sorry for Obama,” Jagland said. “He was all sad and stuff, you know, over the Olympic thing, so we thought it would be a nice pick-me-up.”
Hearing the news, Nobel Laureate, Al Gore said, “What the…? What has he done? At least I invented the Internet.”
The White House had no comment.
(The second part is lame parody; the first part, strangely, is not.)
UPDATE: Comedians give the event two thumbs up!
October 09, 2009 10:09 AM
Courtesy of conservative activist Keith Appell:
Barack Obama’s Teleprompter: Big Guy says Bill Clinton called and was gracious in defeat; offered to fly Kanye West over 4 the Nobel awards ceremony.
Erick Erickson: Obama is becoming Jimmy Carter faster than Jimmy Carter became Jimmy Carter.
Ana Marie Cox: Apparently Nobel prizes now being awarded to anyone who is not George Bush.
Headline over AP analysis by White House correspondent Jennifer Loven: He Won, But For What?
Kathryn Jean Lopez, National Review: I want to buy the world a coke.
Ezra Klein: Obama also awarded Nobel prize in chemistry. “He’s just got great chemistry,” says Nobel Committee.
Adam Bromberg, CRC: Nobel Prize Committee must be staffed by out of work comedy writers.
Kristina Hernandez, CRC: It was the Beer Summit that put Obama over the edge.
– George Stephanopoulos
Various Blog Additions:
Cecil: Miss America was robbed. She was for world peace way before Obama was for it.
Tony Ramirez: The Cook County Democratic machine ain’t what it used to be. They were supposed to bribe the Olympics Committee.
Mesquito: Was he, like, the tenth caller or something?
Ron: I thought I should have won, I haven’t fought with my wife in more than a year.
US Veteran: Obama Wins Heisman Trophy After Watching Football Game
Add Your Own!
Time for some humor.
Most Whose Line skits are funny, but this takes improv to another level in my opinion. Some people hurt themselves laughing at this one and some don’t get it. I am in the former camp.
The Obama for America store has some items for your holiday gift giving needs. For that cold loved one, maybe someone who didn’t vote for change:
This holiday season, celebrate the historic accomplishment of our movement for change. Treat yourself or a loved one to a limited edition Obama fleece scarf.
Make a donation of $25 or more right now and get an official Obama scarf to mark an amazing year:
Or how about this collection of holiday favorites sung by the President-elect.
Items purchased by December 15th are guaranteed to be delivered before December 25th.
When you make your donation, you’ll be supporting the Democratic National Committee. The resources they invested in the 50-state organizing strategy made this movement possible — help us build for future victories together.
Share this amazing moment with your friends and family. Thanks to supporters like you, we all have the opportunity to bring real change to America.
Obama for America
Nothing says Happy Holidays like an Obama scarf and album…
Said as only Andy Borowitz can:
October 22, 2008
McCain Sends Biden to Key Swing States
‘Just Keep Talking,’ Says Mac
In a move unprecedented in the annals of presidential politics, Republican presidential nominee John McCain announced today that he was sending Democratic vice presidential nominee Joseph Biden on a campaign trip to several key swing states.
“I told Joe, I will pay your plane fare, hotels, all your expenses,” Sen. McCain said. “Just get out there and say whatever’s on your mind, my friend.”
Sen. McCain added one small caveat: “Whatever you do, don’t edit yourself.”
The Arizona’s senator’s unusual proposal is part of what one aide called the campaign’s “Two Joes” strategy.
“For the next two weeks, this campaign is going to be all about two Joes,” said McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds. “Joe the Plumber and Joe the Blabber.”
But the McCain campaign’s plans were short-lived as Sen. Barack Obama today announced plans of his own for talkative running mate: “Between now and the election, Joe Biden will be reaching out to voters in Antarctica and possibly the Moon.”
Sen. Biden said he was grateful for the assignment, adding, “I will be proud to serve under Barack Obama, especially when one of our enemies tries to test him with a full-on nuclear attack. Kerblooey!!!!”
Andy writes referring to Joe Biden’s prophecy of a significant international test for a newly minted President Obama.
Here is what Biden said:
Mark my words. It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking,” Biden said.
“Remember I said it standing here. if you don’t remember anything else I said. Watch, we’re gonna have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy. And he’s gonna have to make some really tough — I don’t know what the decision’s gonna be, but I promise you it will occur. As a student of history and having served with seven presidents, I guarantee you it’s gonna happen,” Biden continued.
However, to my knowledge no one is reporting Biden’s attempt to reframe his comments.
Biden added, “What I meant was the Obama will receive a very hard written test from the world, and he will pass it with flying colors. When Jack Kennedy was tested like that during the Korean war, he logged on to the Internet and assured the American people that he could pass that test, and he did!”
And if you wonder why this hasn’t been reported, see this: Joe Biden’s fun with history!
Hollywood, CA (TSN) – In a surprise move, Matt Damon declared his intention to run for President in 2012. Damon, who announced his bid on Youtube, cited Sarah Palin as an inspiration.
“Look, it just makes sense. If Sarah Palin can run for Vice-President, which is like a really bad Disney movie, then why not me running for President? Crap, I’ve actually made some really bad movies, so I’m even more qualified than she is.”
Damon, who is an Obama supporter, said he would only run in 2012 if Obama fails in his bid this time around. Damon explained, “I think I could take him, but Obama is the most qualified in this race to hold the nuclear codes since he doesn’t know when life begins but he probably knows when dinosaurs were on earth. You know, Palin thinks dinosaurs were on earth, like 4,000 years ago. I wouldn’t trust anyone with nuclear codes who thinks that.”
Damon, who has criticized Sarah Palin as being just a hockey mom, said he is infinitely more qualified to stand up to world leaders, like Russia’s Vladimir Putin.
“Hey, I took Sarah Silverman away from Jimmie Kimmel so I figure I can stand up to Putin.”
Damon is willing to use his own resources to fund his campaign, saying, “I would have paid like a million dollars to get Kerry elected in ’04, so who knows how much I’ll spend on myself.”
In an unconventional move, Damon says Arianna Huffington would be on his Veep short list.
On the web: Matt Damon speaks out about Sarah Palin
Can he recapture the magic?
Donnie Davies has been in a quiet season but is back with a new video and he says a whole new album is ready for release.
Donnie Davies – Take My Hand from Donnie Davies on Vimeo.
Donnie broke on the scene back in January of 2007 and had lots of attention with his The Bible Says video and CHOPS programs.
In this season of Obama and Palin, Donnie has a lot to overcome to get on many radar screens. But he has got a new Myspace page (the real Donnie) and seems ready for another stab at the limelight. Who knows maybe Donnie will run for president before this is over.
Note to Sally Kern, the real threat to this nation is a Dunkin’ Donut commercial.
Just because now and then we need to see what the rest of blogosphere is buzzing about. Makes our conversations seem so insignificant, eh?
Kegler vote may roll away from Obama and Clinton
ALTOONA, PA – WTHN – Campaigning in Altoona, Pennsylvania, Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama may have significantly injured his chances in the Pennsylvania primary with a dismal performance on the lanes. Obama characteristically upbeat, raised expectations when he complimented the Pleasant Valley Bowl saying, “Those are some fine bowling shoes!” Asked if his campaign team could beat the Clinton in bowling, Obama said convincingly, “Yes, we can!”
Despite the upbeat predictions, Obama managed only a 37 (out of 300). Said one local Democrat on condition of anonymity, “He may not even get 37% of the primary vote with that kind of score.”
Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton was caught in another questionable story, this time about her bowling prowess. Hearing that Obama had bowled so poorly in PA, Hillary said she had much more bowling experience than her rival. “I will be ready to take the lanes on day one,” Clinton said, striking a familiar campaign theme. “We had a bowling alley in the White House where I bowled in the cooks and housekeepers weekly league. Once I even bowled two perfect games in a row,” she claimed.
However, later on the Ellen DeGeneres show, Mrs. Clinton could only manage one pin. A subsequent check of White House bowling records revealed no score over 100. A Clinton spokes person later said Mrs. Clinton “misspoke” and that she meant to say she had bowled all ten frames in the games in question. “Perfect attendance is what she was referring to,” said the campaign.
Of course, why didn’t we see this!? Scientists at the Harrington Institute have located what might be the single biggest factor associated with homosexuality in the modern world today – Brilliant White iPods.
Some people think it is soy products, but this may be the lead we have all been looking for…
Of course, iPods have been a problem for a long time.
(Pssst – Look at the date today)