Documentaries are a poppin’ lately and You Tube is awash in clips taking all sides in the sexual orientation change debate. This trailer seeks buzz about a new one coming called Gay No More? Cruising the Ex-gay Movement produced by Bill Hussung and his wife Hishara Cosino-Hussung.
Some familiar faces dot this clip…
Happy New Year Ann! Please post more so I am not alone in the 800’s!!!
Happy New Year Mary!
Concerned,
Thank you. (I’m ex lesbian and am more towards the midddle as well)
Concerned,
I always appreciate what you write and the way you write it but these two posts have especially touched me. Thank you for sharing what so many others feel and how they live but do not talk about. Please be encouraged and feel supported in that which you believe in and the choices you have made and continue to make – they are to be admired and respected.
Drowssap,
There are no specifics – each person is differently inspired and motivated thus what works for one person isn’t neccesarily going to work another. That’s why – in my opinion – those ex gay camps are useless and dangerous. And ex gays are not going to crusade (unless of course they are paid, trying to change others, etc…..) when there is soo much animosity (sp??) against us within the church and gay communities both. Why risk it??? Sometimes it just isn’t worth it. If you want to change – seek change. Don’t seek perfection or to be like others – but be a changed person in your perception of what sexuality means to you. If you don’t want to seek change- don’t.
I like to honor “concerned” for his courage and honesty.
JAG,
Just to clear something up, I am not an evangelical and when it comes to the extreme views that some seem to want to focus on, I too think this is damaging, but that goes for the extreme on either side. Perhaps what would be more beneficial would be for those of us who are leaning more towards this center point where more willing to stand against the extremes on their side of the issue. ie. I am willing to say that much of what is shown about extremely fundamentalist Christians is harming their cause more than it is doing good and I would have to agree with you that often this does not come across as very loving.
In many ways I am grateful for having had to struggle with my sexuality over these many years, but that has not in any way made me believe that I can find happiness by embracing a gay life. I know you may not be able to understand why this is so, but if you want me to try to accept the choices you have made then all I am asking is that you accept mine without judgement. I have learned much from you. I have experienced anger and frustration, but ultimately I have much more clearly come to understand what is true for me and my family. I will not stand back and be judged by anyone expect God himself for this choice and I no longer doubt that it is anything but a choice on how I wish to live my life.
JAG,
I am a man who has not embraced the gay lifestyle but have struggled with same-sex attraction in spite of getting married and starting a family. I am tired of being judged as being selfish for choosing to stay with my family even though I have these struggles. The gay community has done the exact things that you accuse Christians of doing. I guess it really makes a difference as to which side of the center point you find yourself falling on this issue and because I love my family and my wife and do not in anyway believe that I have these same-sex feeling because of my genetic makeup but rather can clearly identify many developmental issues in my childhood that could have definitely pulled me in this direction I throw my support to the Christians (particularly the original teaching of Christ and the early church) who see this as a negative force in my life and something that I must avoid if I want to find happiness. If you are on the opposite side of that center point and have found happiness I will also have to accept that, but when someone starts saying to others that I will never be happy if I do not accept that I am gay, I am sorry they have crossed the line and are now passing judgement on me.
Thanks both Jag and Ann!
I am so thankful for your voices here on the blog! Man can not live on ‘snarkiness’ alone…please know that you make a difference.
Jag,
As you know, your writing has made me think too and I am grateful for that. Your comment about some who call themselves evangelicals is right on target. Their words and actions are very hurtful and ineffective and do not honor God as far as I am concerned. People who are content and happy and living responsible lives should be honored and respected – not changed. My heart has always been with the individual(s) who seeks to modify or shift their same gendered attraction for their own personal reasons and have been met with contempt or worse, indifference. Often they are ostracized from their family and friends for daring to think differently. The person who wants to get support from the gay community is embraced – it is not the same for the person who seeks understanding or resources for unwanted attractions. They have few credible places to turn and even then, rarely get the support they are seeking. I always remember your words “you see, I don’t want to change the world” – those words really sunk in and have stayed with me – I really think the same thought can be applied to the individual – not groups or churches or organizations – who is questioning their unwanted same gender attractions, identity, or relationships. They personally don’t want to change the world, just have a shift in their personal feelings and behaviors. It is a personal issue for them and yet because of unethical individuals and organizations or just plain discrimmination, they have been lumped into a pile with others and have lost their individuality to have a voice in this matter. I do not think this is right. I have always thought that any sustaining shift or modification takes place in a quiet and thoughtful and measured way – unlike those who are boastful about it. Your example of the gay community and Christian groups is a perfect example of how egos and pride and agendas get in the way of the big picture and that is understanding and caring for each other so we can all evolve. As far as this statement – “I would hope that everyone can achieve internal consistency – connecting their faith with their behaviors…and that means different things to different people” – really says it all. Thanks Jag!
Ann –
Such a difficult subject. I agree with you that many (likely the majority I would estimate) have walked away quietly attempting to live consistently with their value system, even when this means a life of celibacy. I also agree that individuals who give specifics and speak up about what has helped them personally, they are villified. It’s terrible that people persecute each other on such a personal issue.
The ex-gay person (or person in process) is often caught in the middle of two groups that reject them. The gay community, who see their actions as a “holier than thou” or rejection, and the Christian groups who often hold the ex-gay person up as an example, but speak of them in ways that suggest they are “tainted” by their past (this may not be true in all settings of course). No one wants to hold themselves up for this.
As someone who is happy in her same-sex relationship, I always hope that those who struggle would not see me as someone who would judge them – and I hope they view me similarly. I would hope that everyone can achieve internal consistency – connecting their faith with their behaviors…and that means different things to different people.
Truth is, it seems (and perhaps I am wrong on this), that many evangelicals take such a hard line that they drive everyone away…the GLBT people they hope to reach, as well as those who are actually attempting to change to be more in line with their values. Why? Gay people feel judged (called “immoral”) and those who have a gay history feel terrified by the way they hear gay people being talked about…because it was once a part of them, and something they likely still struggle with.
I hope that we can all reconsider how we approach this topic so that everyone feels welcome at the table of God.
Thanks for your thoughts Ann, they made me think.
Yes, Dave, it was.
Drowssap,
The problem is that whenever someone gives specifics they are usually villified, as opposed to being aspired to, by those who are cynical of any modified shifts away from SSA, same gender sex, or a gay identity. Also, I would venture to say that there are MANY who have made a quiet decision to walk away from same gender relationships and pursue a life more aligned with their values who will never talk about it because of the above reason.
Was that Joanne Highley of LIFE Ministry?
10 simple things gay people can do to become straight.
Interview these people, figure out what worked and attempt to replicate in others. If its not as straight forward as weight loss (which most people have a hard time with) success is going to be rare.
Ex-gays need to give specifics! Factory workers couldn’t build a car if engineers told them “just throw together 4 wheels, an engine and some seats.”
Cohen has magnets! Wow, he must be straight.
And he can’t talk – It’s a nonsequential????
Clinches it – He’s straight.
Matheson is a little more straight than he needs to be.
And Zebras are born that way.
What a film this will be.